(For parts 1 and 2, see The Goddess Rambles and scroll down.)
Don't mind me. Just spillin' a little haterade on the internets. Seriously, though, sometimes you just get this stuff out of your system or it builds resentment which breeds anxiety and yet more hatred until one day someone looks at you funny and you turn into Michael Douglas in Falling Down. Which is never pleasant, really.
So, for your edification, I present to you: Things I Hate.
1) Licorice. If there was ever a more deeply unpleasant flavor in the entire world, I don't know what it could possibly be. My hatred of it is a well so deep that I can't even get fennel past my nose. It's bitter as all hell and it burns my tongue. A friend of mine called the original Nyquil "green death flavored". That pretty much sums it up. How people can put anything licorice-related into their mouths at all is utterly beyond me.
2) People who watched Serenity and didn't cry when... well, the whole Wash thing. You know who are. And you are entirely devoid of a soul. Go sit in the corner and think about what you've done until you can muster up something resembling actual human emotion. Shameful.
3) The purposeful emulation of anyone on Jersey Shore. Wha? Why? Why would you want to even remotely be like or be compared to or have anything to do with people that... that... void? Is that what you want to be? Is your primary aspiration in life to actually be that empty? It's one thing to watch the show as a guilty pleasure and to shake your head and laugh and go, "Wow. These kids are total douchebaguettes." It's another thing entirely to watch it and think, "That's it! If I engage in their lifestyle, my life will actually mean something!" You are actively contributing to the downfall of humankind and I am horrified of you. Go join the soulless freaks in the corner.
4) iPhone's autocorrect. I once tried to type in Necco (as in the wafer-like candy) and my phone tried to autocorrect it "necrophilia". Um. Is this a word that is that commonly used in texting? The world is in a more terrifying state than I thought.
5. Rutabaga. I know this one's a repeat, but it still smells like feet.
There you are. Now drink it down. All the way. Mwahaha.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Monday, March 28, 2011
Go change your clothes.
I spent the last hour or so drooling over vintage 1930's evening gowns, exquisite flapper dresses, frothy mid-century tulle confections and basically anything ever worn by either of the Hepburns. Then I made the mistake of clicking over to American Apparel and immediately wanted to pour bleach in my eyes and scour them thoroughly with a Brillo pad.
What happened to fashion? I mean, come on! Have you seen some of stuff people wear out of the house? I'm not saying we should be required to pass the Tim Gunn test before exiting our front door every day (even though I secretly wish Tim Gunn would live in my closet and just hand me out an outfit every morning), but shouldn't we, for the sake of self-respect, at least try to not look like we're off to a long day spent panhandling?
Clocks have proven that it takes the same amount of time to put clean jeans and a decent looking shirt on your body as it does to don that radio station promo tee you won in 1993 and those sweats that exclaim "JUICY!" across your rear end. You know... because that's the message you really to send out to the world about yourself. "My t shirt may be as hole-ridden as the local golf course, but my butt? It's juicy! Also, I don't wash my hair! I'm attractive."
I'm pretty live and let live when it comes to most things, including what people wear (believe it or not). I appreciate the desire to be comfortable, to express one's individuality.. I get that not a lot of us have tons of cash to pour into a haute wardrobe, nor do I think that if we did, we necessarily should. But I do have a few Rules To Dress By, which (I think, at least) are just absolute bottom-line basics:
1. Clean clothes. Wear clean clothes. If it's dirty, wash it. And if it's clean but it looks dirty, don't wear it out of the house.
2. There are clothes that are intended for sleeping in, and clothes are intending for exercising in, and then there are clothes that are intended for wearing out of the house. Your pajamas/ bike shorts (unless you're riding your bike)/ yoga pants/ sweats are not included in that last category.
3. Tights are not pants. They are tights. If any part of your booty is showing, you are wearing them as pants, and should cease and desist immediately.
4. Men: they make men's jeans. Wear them.
5. Hipsters: ... Yeah, everything. Complete overhaul. Starting with you, dude who's wearing his girlfriend's skinny jeans.
Oy.
What happened to fashion? I mean, come on! Have you seen some of stuff people wear out of the house? I'm not saying we should be required to pass the Tim Gunn test before exiting our front door every day (even though I secretly wish Tim Gunn would live in my closet and just hand me out an outfit every morning), but shouldn't we, for the sake of self-respect, at least try to not look like we're off to a long day spent panhandling?
Clocks have proven that it takes the same amount of time to put clean jeans and a decent looking shirt on your body as it does to don that radio station promo tee you won in 1993 and those sweats that exclaim "JUICY!" across your rear end. You know... because that's the message you really to send out to the world about yourself. "My t shirt may be as hole-ridden as the local golf course, but my butt? It's juicy! Also, I don't wash my hair! I'm attractive."
I'm pretty live and let live when it comes to most things, including what people wear (believe it or not). I appreciate the desire to be comfortable, to express one's individuality.. I get that not a lot of us have tons of cash to pour into a haute wardrobe, nor do I think that if we did, we necessarily should. But I do have a few Rules To Dress By, which (I think, at least) are just absolute bottom-line basics:
1. Clean clothes. Wear clean clothes. If it's dirty, wash it. And if it's clean but it looks dirty, don't wear it out of the house.
2. There are clothes that are intended for sleeping in, and clothes are intending for exercising in, and then there are clothes that are intended for wearing out of the house. Your pajamas/ bike shorts (unless you're riding your bike)/ yoga pants/ sweats are not included in that last category.
3. Tights are not pants. They are tights. If any part of your booty is showing, you are wearing them as pants, and should cease and desist immediately.
4. Men: they make men's jeans. Wear them.
5. Hipsters: ... Yeah, everything. Complete overhaul. Starting with you, dude who's wearing his girlfriend's skinny jeans.
Oy.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Drop your socks and grab your Crocs, kids. It's about to get wet.
I have sort of a love/hate relationship with first posts. They're all about defining the theme and parameters of a blog, and frankly, I don't like having to stay within lines. Even self imposed ones. (I'm not part of your system.) Then again, if I would just start a blog and stick with it instead of busting in, tearing up the joint for a couple weeks and then fizzling out faster than Lindsay Lohan running a 5K, I wouldn't have the first post problem in the first place. (For reference, see The Goddess Rambles.)
And so, Dear Readers, I make this commitment to you, and to myself (mostly), because I need some self-discipline and martial arts would cut into my damnyouautocorrect time: I will submit a new post, every day, until (and including) April 30, 2011. By that time I'm hoping it will be a habit. But on that day we'll regroup and see where we're at (probably behind the at).
In order for this to work, though, this blog really can't have defined parameters. It going to have to be whatever I need to write about, whenever I need to write it. (It's like LiveJournal for people who don't cry into their hair product!) It won't be a food or travel or mommy blog, nor will it be movie reviews, political send-ups or cultural rants, although it may wind up being all of those things, at one time or another, and more. Be prepared for randomness and rabbit trails.
I'm not self-absorbed enough to think that scads of people are actually going to follow this. But I am just narcissistic enough to think that journaling is a waste if no one but me is going to read and enjoy the entries. This will likely be a double-post first day because I want to actually write about something instead of just writing about writing about something.
So, here it is: my shiny new outlet.
I have sort of a love/hate relationship with first posts. They're all about defining the theme and parameters of a blog, and frankly, I don't like having to stay within lines. Even self imposed ones. (I'm not part of your system.) Then again, if I would just start a blog and stick with it instead of busting in, tearing up the joint for a couple weeks and then fizzling out faster than Lindsay Lohan running a 5K, I wouldn't have the first post problem in the first place. (For reference, see The Goddess Rambles.)
And so, Dear Readers, I make this commitment to you, and to myself (mostly), because I need some self-discipline and martial arts would cut into my damnyouautocorrect time: I will submit a new post, every day, until (and including) April 30, 2011. By that time I'm hoping it will be a habit. But on that day we'll regroup and see where we're at (probably behind the at).
In order for this to work, though, this blog really can't have defined parameters. It going to have to be whatever I need to write about, whenever I need to write it. (It's like LiveJournal for people who don't cry into their hair product!) It won't be a food or travel or mommy blog, nor will it be movie reviews, political send-ups or cultural rants, although it may wind up being all of those things, at one time or another, and more. Be prepared for randomness and rabbit trails.
I'm not self-absorbed enough to think that scads of people are actually going to follow this. But I am just narcissistic enough to think that journaling is a waste if no one but me is going to read and enjoy the entries. This will likely be a double-post first day because I want to actually write about something instead of just writing about writing about something.
So, here it is: my shiny new outlet.
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